11-Year-Old Missed His Best Friend's Birthday After Being Punished for Stealing His Stepsister's Diary, but His Mom Thinks the Punishment Was Too Harsh
It's time for him to learn about consent and boundaries.
Learning how to coexist in a shared space is difficult enough without the added complication of starting a blended family. On top of that, unresolved issues between stepsiblings can make the situation even tenser.
A dad recently went on Reddit to ask about ongoing issues between his 11-year-old daughter and his stepson, who is just a year older. The two kids actually get along well, but like most teenage siblings, they annoy each other and fight.
They plot petty revenge to retaliate until one of them cries foul. OP's stepson has developed a scheme to annoy his stepsister the most.
He goes into her room, takes something important to her, and then hides it in his room. So far, he has taken one of her shirts, a favorite pen, a teddy bear, and some other possessions.
OP has repeatedly told him to stop this new revenge tactic of his. He also warned him that he would be punished every single time he did it.
Each time he got caught, he received an added chore to his list. He has been made to wash the car, was on trash duty for an entire week, and was made to mow the lawn (which he hated).
The punishment seemed to be working since OP's stepson has stopped annoying his stepsister. OP's wife thinks OP is being too harsh with his punishments, but OP believes his behavior is unacceptable and that he needs to be made aware of that.
OP thought they had finally restored the balance in their home; unfortunately, he was wrong.
There was a recent event that OP's stepson got excited about: his best friend's birthday party. However, a few days before the party, OP's stepson went into his stepsister's room again and took her diary.
OP's daughter found out her diary was missing and told OP as well as his wife. OP's wife suggested that his punishment should be cleaning the dishes for that night, but OP had had enough.
OP said the problem with his stepson's behavior was getting out of hand and that he should be punished more severely. He called for a family meeting and discussed with both kids why their behavior was becoming disruptive.
OP told his stepson he shouldn't take things from his sister's room without her consent. The stepson explained he was only doing that to annoy his stepsister.
The patient father of two replied that he knew that, but it had to stop. His stepson said his stepsister did this as well, like when she sits in his favorite armchair.
OP explained that he knew this as well and that his daughter had also been punished for doing it. OP also said that what the stepson was doing was much worse than what his sister did.
OP said he knew they liked each other and were happy to be each other's siblings, but the breach of trust was crossing boundaries. His stepson then yelled at him in response, saying this was his house and he would enter his sister's room anytime he wanted.
As a punishment, OP told his stepson he could not go to his best friend's party. He would stay at home and clean their house together with OP and his wife.
Howtogoon
OP's wife told him he was being too harsh, but OP thinks this is the only way his stepson will learn. Is he wrong? You can read the full story below:
Howtogoon
"My stepson developed this habit."
Howtogoon
"He has to be disciplined."
Howtogoon
"You have to stop."
Howtogoon
"He is obviously upset."
Howtogoon
A commenter said OP shouldn't be doling out the punishments for his stepson because he is not the biological father.
cutipatutie
OP has been his stepdad since the kid was 4 years old.
Howtogoon
Given this particular context, a Redditor thinks the consequence was appropriate, given that OP's stepson stole his sister's diary.
Compensate1995
As for punishing his daughter for sitting in her stepbrother's chair, OP said in another comment that he makes her apologize. For the other things she does to annoy her brother, she does get punished.
Howtogoon
Raise your hands if you think he didn't read the diary.
Subclavian, Howtogoon
Shouldn't OP at least discuss the punishment with his wife before enforcing it?
ExcellentPatience298
OP's wife thinks the punishments are way too harsh.
Howtogoon
A brave Redditor went against the grain and said everyone is an a**hole except for OP's daughter.
Primary-Criticism929
OP's wife sucks because she is not parenting her son; OP is an a** for taking over completely, and the stepson is wrong for stealing things, but his behavior could just be an indicator of a much deeper problem.
Primary-Criticism929
OP appreciated the comment and thinks they're right.
Howtogoon
However, OP's number one priority should be making sure his daughter feels safe in her room.
flippy77
The top comment thinks what OP did was fair. The stepson's behavior escalated when he stole his sister's diary, and the consequence should reflect that.
WyrdElmBella
OP's stepson probably has other feelings he can't express, and unfortunately, his stepsister is the subject of his unhealthy behavior.
WyrdElmBella
The big problem here is the clear division between parenting styles. OP and his wife should agree on how they should discipline their children. United front and all that.
winnie120476
OP's stepson is testing boundaries, and it should be nipped in the bud. Consent is an important lesson to learn. If they let him continue this, he will not be a good adult.
Comprehensive_Fly350
This may just be an anecdote, but it's not a far-fetched possibility.
Jaidiee
OP's stepson is trying to assert control. He probably has some unresolved issues from when OP moved into their house.
efm270
Family and individual therapy should be considered so OP's stepson can work on expressing his feelings better.
efm270
Raising kids is not easy. Parents have to prepare their children for what lies ahead in their future, and there is no one-size-fits-all guide for that.
One can only imagine how difficult it is to parent a stepchild without overstepping your boundaries. Hopefully, OP learned from some of the comments and finds a way to help his stepson express his feelings better to resolve any issues he may have from the past.
