Redditors Help Woman Realize Her Boyfriend Is Having An Emotional Affair With Coworker Despite His Attempts To Gaslight Her

A 32-year-old woman's worst fears were confirmed when she saw her boyfriend messaging his coworker. OP and her boyfriend have known each other since the 5th grade.

They were friends for a long time before they started dating. He and OP had been together for seven years when she discovered his emotional affair with a coworker.

OP noticed how defensive her boyfriend became when this colleague was mentioned. She blocked OP on Facebook, even though they had never met.

OP accidentally found out that her boyfriend regularly went to the dog park with this colleague. She saw a video of them at the park on his phone.

Her suspicions grew when she started working for the same company. Her boyfriend's colleague pointedly ignored OP when she walked past the cafeteria.

OP's own colleagues couldn't help but comment on her relationship. They said her boyfriend seemed embarrassed of her.

He couldn't even hug her or wish her a good day whenever they ran into each other in the hallways. Five days before his birthday, her boyfriend casually mentioned that he took the day off from work for his birthday.

OP was upset because he didn't give her enough notice. She couldn't file for PTO so close to the date.

She couldn't be with him on his birthday. He told her it wasn't a big deal because he knew she didn't have enough days saved to request time off anyway.

OP told him that he knew that wasn't true; she could have asked for time off, given enough notice. His birthday also happened to be the colleague's day off — funny how that worked out.

He fell asleep after they had a depressing talk about their relationship. It all but confirmed that their relationship was over.

u/ThighsofJustice

OP read her boyfriend's messages to his coworker. Their messages were definitely not work-related.

u/ThighsofJustice

He talked about going to her place for a viewing party. He was down to accompany her mom while watching Cops.

u/ThighsofJustice

Recognizing Emotional Affairs

Dr. Sarah Thompson, a clinical psychologist, points out that emotional affairs often stem from unmet emotional needs in a primary relationship. The phenomenon of 'monkeybranching' can be understood through the lens of attachment theory, where individuals may seek emotional connections outside their primary relationship when they feel insecure or neglected.

Research published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology indicates that individuals who struggle with feelings of inadequacy are more likely to engage in such behaviors as a way to seek validation.

He even offered to stay with her while she recovered from surgery. It was important that she had someone to watch Cops with.

u/ThighsofJustice

When he went out of town to see his nephew, he sent photos to this coworker of himself and the baby. Meanwhile, OP waited in anticipation for any update from him. OP woke her boyfriend up and told him to leave after she read their conversation. He didn't even ask why she was kicking him out.

u/ThighsofJustice

Subscribing to the sunk-cost fallacy is a fool's errand, but it is incredibly easy to get trapped in this belief.

benkyker

Gaslighting, as seen in this scenario, is a manipulative tactic that can have severe psychological consequences. Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist, states, "Gaslighting can deeply erode an individual's sense of reality and self-worth, leading to significant emotional distress." You can find more insights on her work at drlauraberman.com. Recognizing these patterns is vital for the victim's mental health and self-advocacy.

OP needs to ask herself if she wants to rescue this relationship.

benkyker

The replies to her post helped OP confirm what she knew all along.

ThighsofJustice

He's playing both of them. He wants a relationship with his coworker but is keeping OP as a safety net in case it falls through.

r3l_b

Empowerment Strategies for the Victim

For anyone suspecting an emotional affair, building a support network is crucial. Engaging friends or a therapist can provide a safe space to explore feelings and validate experiences. Research shows that social support significantly alleviates emotional distress during relationship crises, offering both perspective and reassurance.

Additionally, practicing assertiveness can empower individuals to communicate their feelings and establish boundaries effectively.

OP is more invested in their relationship than her boyfriend.

romansamurai

Redditors think he is monkeybranching.

DBAccount999

He is still testing the waters while one foot remains on the shore.

username11017, romansamurai

Self-reflection is another powerful tool for individuals in this situation. By journaling or engaging in therapy, one can gain insights into their emotional needs and patterns within the relationship. A study published in the American Journal of Psychology indicates that self-awareness can significantly improve relational dynamics and help individuals make informed decisions about their future.

Recognizing personal worth and emotional needs is vital in navigating complex relationship dynamics.

He already replaced you, OP. He's just too scared to let go in case the other girl doesn't want a relationship with him.

ThighsofJustice

The good thing is that OP found this all out before she got tied to this guy for life.

Reddit

Looks like OP got the advice she needed.

saphster02, ThighsofJustice

OP's boyfriend, hopefully ex-boyfriend, is a coward. He is stringing OP along until he can convince his coworker to date him or at least sleep with him.

He threw away their lifelong friendship and seven-year relationship over his cowardice. It would have hurt OP if they had broken up before he got involved with the other woman, but it would have been the decent thing to do.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario underscores the complexities of emotional relationships and the importance of recognizing when boundaries are crossed. It's crucial to understand how emotional connections can form outside of primary relationships, often reflecting deeper issues that need addressing.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

This situation illustrates the profound impact of emotional neglect on relationship dynamics. Understanding the psychological underpinnings of emotional affairs can empower individuals to address their needs and advocate for healthier relational patterns.

Ultimately, fostering open communication and self-awareness is essential for rebuilding trust and connection in any relationship.