Friend Seeks Crush Advice, Ends Up Falling for Crush - AITA?

A 27-year-old woman is stuck in the kind of love triangle that starts with “just be honest” and ends with everyone’s feelings getting stepped on. It all begins with her friend Matt, 28, coming to her for advice about confessing to their mutual friend Sarah, 26.

She encourages him to go for it, because Matt has always been supportive of her dating life. Then, plot twist, Sarah actually reciprocates, and they start dating, which should be good news. Except now the OP realizes she’s developing strong feelings for Sarah too, and she’s trying to keep it buried while Matt and Sarah’s relationship grows right in front of her.

And that’s where the guilt really starts to rot, because she feels like she helped set the whole thing in motion.

Original Post

I (27F) have been friends with Matt (28M) for years. Recently, he asked for advice on confessing feelings to our mutual friend, Sarah (26F).

I encouraged him to be honest, as he's always been supportive of my dating life. After Matt revealed his feelings, Sarah reciprocated, and they started dating.

Unexpectedly, I found myself developing strong feelings for Sarah too. I'm torn between my loyalty to Matt and my newfound affection for Sarah.

I feel guilty for advising Matt in a way that led to my unrequited feelings. I haven't disclosed my emotions to anyone, as I fear jeopardizing both friendships.

Sarah has noticed my changed behavior, asking if something is wrong, but I've brushed it off as personal stress. For background, Matt and I have a history of sharing personal matters, and Sarah is aware of our close friendship.

I never intended to complicate their relationship or my friendship with Matt. However, I can't deny these feelings.

So AITA for encouraging Matt to express his feelings, only to realize I have feelings for the same person?

The Tangle of Friendship and Attraction

This situation underscores the classic dilemma of unspoken feelings among friends. When the OP encouraged Matt to confess to Sarah, they likely didn’t foresee that their own heart would get caught in the crossfire. It's a classic case of 'be careful what you wish for'—while wanting the best for a friend, the OP inadvertently opened a Pandora's box of emotions.

It’s fascinating how quickly feelings can shift in these scenarios. The OP's realization about their own attraction to Sarah raises questions about how well we truly know our feelings and the people we care about. It’s a reminder that relationships can be fluid, and sometimes the lines between friendship and romance can blur in the least expected ways.

Comment from u/coffeebean99

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Comment from u/starrynight2020

Matt asked the OP for confession advice about Sarah, and she pushed him to be honest like it was the obvious right move.

The second Sarah reciprocated and started dating Matt, the OP’s “supportive friend” role immediately turned into “why do I care so much” territory.

This is also like the OP in Conflicted Friend Seeks Advice on Mutual Crush Dilemma, stuck between honesty and feelings for the same person.

Why This Situation Strikes a Chord

This story has ignited discussions because it’s something many can relate to—encouraging a friend while grappling with your own emotions. The Reddit community clearly resonated with the OP's predicament, sparking a range of opinions on whether it’s fair to pursue feelings for someone who’s also the object of a friend's affection.

Some commenters likely empathized with the OP’s feelings, while others might see it as a betrayal of sorts towards Matt. This tension showcases a moral gray area that’s all too familiar in friendship dynamics. At what point does loyalty to a friend take precedence over personal happiness? It’s a question that’s bound to stir debate among readers.

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When Sarah noticed the OP acting off and asked if something was wrong, the OP brushed it off, even though the real problem was her own feelings.

Now the OP is stuck between loyalty to Matt, honesty with Sarah, and the fact that their close friendship means hiding this gets harder every day.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Final Thoughts

This story highlights the complexity of navigating friendships when romantic feelings enter the mix. The OP’s experience with Matt and Sarah raises important questions about loyalty, honesty, and the unpredictability of emotions. It’s a reminder that relationships can be messy and that sometimes, pursuing what feels right for yourself can come at a cost to others. How would you handle a similar situation? Would you prioritize your feelings over your friend's?

The Bigger Picture

This situation reflects how easily emotions can become entangled, especially in close friendships. The original poster’s (OP) encouragement of Matt to confess his feelings for Sarah seems rooted in a desire to support a friend, yet it unwittingly opened the door to her own attraction to Sarah. The OP’s internal struggle embodies a common dilemma—balancing personal happiness with the potential impact on existing relationships, which is something many people can relate to.

She didn’t just encourage a confession, she accidentally fell for the same person and is terrified of being the reason everything breaks.

Think the “tell Matt to confess, then fall for Sarah” twist was messy, too? Read the full AITA here.