A Five Year Relationship Hits A Wall Over $130,000 In Student Loans
She’s been clear about money, but he refuses to hear it.
For years, OP has listened to the same complaint from his friend.
The relationship looks solid from the outside. Five years together. Living life side by side. Talking about the future. Yet every time marriage comes up, his friend’s girlfriend seems hesitant, never fully saying yes, but never completely saying no either.
And the frustration keeps spilling out.
His friend wants to get married. Badly. He’s brought it up multiple times, only to be met with lukewarm responses and vague delays. Each time, he calls OP to vent, asking why he can’t understand what’s holding her back.
The answer has never been a mystery to OP.
His friend has around $130,000 in student loan debt. He’s been making only the minimum payments for years, and with interest piling up, the balance hasn’t meaningfully changed. Meanwhile, his girlfriend took a very different path. She went to a cheaper school, lived at home, graduated with far less debt, and paid it off entirely.
She’s been clear with him. More than once. She doesn’t want to combine finances or get married until he takes real steps toward paying down his loans. She’s said it directly, not subtly, and yet he insists it has nothing to do with marriage.
After hearing the same rant half a dozen times, OP finally snapped.
During one call, he asked if his friend wanted the truth. When his friend pushed back, OP said it plainly. The reason she won’t marry him is the debt.
The line went quiet.
His friend denied it, grew angry, and insisted that marriage and loans were separate issues. OP pointed out every conversation where she had said otherwise. After a long silence, the call ended.
Now OP is wondering if being honest crossed a line.
Scroll through the screenshots below to see how one blunt conversation brought years of avoidance into the open.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of backstory
Reddit.comOP’s friend’s girlfriend has been clear that he must pay off his student loan. Interestingly, this discussion has delayed they marriage plans, and OP’s friend is confused
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He called OP to rant about being frustrated that she’s delaying to marry him. But despite OP’s effort to explain that the student loan is the reason, he refused to accept it
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“NTA - Also, even with a prenup, I wouldn't want to be married to someone with that much debt.”
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“NTA - and a prenup won’t be beneficial during their marriage.”
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“You're a good friend for letting him know, it's unfortunate that he isn't listening to her OR you.”
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“It sounds like she doesn't want to take on his debt and I don't think you're an AH for pointing it out.”
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“NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to be saddled with another person's debt.”
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“Think the dude just didn't consider the debt to be a big deal, since he can make the minimal payments without any issues..”
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OP’s friend keeps treating marriage as an emotional decision, while his girlfriend views it as a financial partnership that requires stability first.
OP didn’t introduce a new idea, he repeated what had already been said out loud multiple times. Sometimes honesty doesn’t change minds, it just removes the excuse to ignore reality.
Do you think OP helped by being blunt, or should he have stayed out of it entirely? Share your thoughts in the comments.
