Redditor's Mom Contacts Them Asking For A Share Of The Profit They Make From Publishing A Book After Years Of No Contact

OP's journey began at a young age when they had a paper route at the age of 12. Surprisingly, they never got to enjoy the fruits of their labor, as the income they earned seemed to vanish into thin air.

As they grew older and held more substantial jobs, the situation did not improve. Instead, they found themselves repeatedly lending or giving money to their parents.

The financial dynamic shifted after their parents' separation. It became evident that their mother was the driving force behind these money-related demands. This transformation in the family structure marked the beginning of a challenging period for OP.

Despite the financial strain, OP harbored deep love and gratitude toward their mother. They believed they owed her for the sacrifices she had made while raising them and their siblings.

This sense of indebtedness led OP to contribute financially to the family, even when it meant parting with an entire paycheck to assist with rent payments.

However, their mother's life took a troubling turn after the separation. She became entangled in drug use and started engaging in questionable relationships. This shift in her behavior tested OP's understanding and patience.

As time passed, the instability of OP's mother persisted. She embarked on a tumultuous journey filled with rehab attempts and a revolving door of romantic partners.

Throughout these challenges, she failed to make any meaningful effort to maintain a relationship with OP and their family. Remarkably, she had never met her seven-year-old grandson.

As OP neared the completion of their book, they embarked on the arduous process of seeking feedback and reviews from friends and family. This endeavor took years of dedication, yet their mother's involvement remained minimal. Despite the lack of support from her end, OP pressed on with their passion project.

Then, an unexpected message arrived. OP's mother reached out, not to inquire about the book or their creative journey, but to ask for money.

This message marked a turning point for OP. Over the years, they had tolerated their mother's financial demands to maintain family harmony. However, this particular request felt like the final straw.

OP's parents have always demanded money from them whenever they had any sort of income

Reddit

After OP's parents got a divorce, their mom started abusing drugs and going out with other men

Reddit

The mom's life is now in shambles, with multiple attempts at rehab and even more boyfriends

Reddit

Reconnection and Motivations

Psychological research suggests that parental relationships significantly influence children's emotional regulation and self-esteem. According to Dr. Mary Main's attachment theory, children develop a sense of security based on their early interactions with caregivers.

In this case, OP's mother's sudden outreach might stem from a desire to reconnect after years of separation. This behavior could reflect a complex mix of guilt, regret, and opportunism. Understanding this context can help OP navigate their feelings and set appropriate boundaries moving forward.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers practical strategies for individuals navigating complex family dynamics. Dr. Aaron T. Beck, the founder of CBT, emphasizes the importance of reframing negative thoughts and developing assertive communication skills.

For OP, utilizing techniques like thought records and role-playing can help clarify their feelings about their mother’s request. These tools enable them to express their boundaries effectively, promoting healthier interactions and reducing potential stress in these complex emotional situations.

Reconnecting After Years of Estrangement

Dr. Sarah Mitchell, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, emphasizes that reconnecting with estranged family members can evoke a complex mix of emotions.

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology shows that feelings of abandonment or betrayal often resurface during these interactions.

Understanding these emotions is crucial for navigating the re-establishment of relationships.

Approaching these situations with empathy can lead to more constructive outcomes.

OP's finishing a book and they've been posting about it, asking for support

Reddit

OP's about to publish their book and their mom wants a cut of the profit

Reddit

OP rejected her, saying that all of the money goes to their family

Reddit

Research on financial dynamics within families indicates that patterns of enabling can lead to unhealthy dependencies. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights how financial support from adult children can create cycles of expectation and entitlement.

In OP’s situation, previous lending to parents without clear boundaries may have reinforced these patterns. Experts suggest that establishing firm financial boundaries is crucial for fostering healthier relationships. This can involve clear communication about limits and expectations regarding support.

A clinical psychologist notes that financial requests from estranged family members can feel particularly transactional, leading to discomfort and mistrust.

Studies suggest that past grievances can overshadow current interactions, complicating the process of reconciliation.

Addressing these underlying issues can help clarify intentions and motivations.

OP had a lot of steam to let off

Reddit

It's all OP needs to say

Reddit

A petty revenge

Reddit

The Impact of Past Trauma

Dr. Judith Herman, a leading expert on trauma, emphasizes that unresolved familial wounds often resurface in adulthood, leading to complex emotional responses. In OP's case, the years of neglect and financial burden may contribute to feelings of anger or resentment toward their mother.

Understanding these reactions through a trauma-informed lens can be empowering. It helps OP recognize that their feelings are valid and rooted in their history, allowing them to better articulate their needs in future interactions.

The Emotional Landscape of Estrangement

Research indicates that estrangement often leads to unresolved grief that can resurface during attempts at reconnection.

Understanding these emotions can help individuals approach reconnection with a more compassionate perspective.

Recognizing that both parties may have experienced pain can foster empathy and ultimately guide the healing process.

The best thing OP can do for her

Reddit

OP had reached a point of clarity. They recognized the need to set boundaries and prioritize their own family's well-being over unreasonable financial demands.

Their mother's inability to support them during the creative process and her apparent prioritization of her boyfriend's family over her grandchildren had eroded the once unwavering sense of obligation.

To facilitate healthy reconnection, experts recommend establishing clear boundaries and expectations.

Discussing past grievances openly can help both parties understand each other’s perspectives and foster healing.

Creating a safe space for dialogue can also encourage more honest communication about needs and feelings.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities involved in reconnecting with estranged family members, especially when financial matters are at play.

Understanding the emotional dynamics can guide individuals toward more constructive interactions during these sensitive times.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Reconnecting with estranged family members can be emotionally charged, bringing unresolved feelings to the forefront.

Experts suggest that addressing these emotions through open communication can pave the way for healthier relationships moving forward.

Ultimately, establishing clear boundaries and fostering empathy are key to successful reconnections.

Psychological Analysis

OP's behavior mirrors a common psychological pattern known as a 'sense of indebtedness.' This often arises from a perceived obligation toward parents, leading to a willingness to sacrifice personal gains. However, the mother's continued financial demands and lack of support triggered a shift in OP's perspective, leading them to establish necessary boundaries.

Analysis generated by AI

Understanding familial relationships through the lens of psychological research reveals a tapestry of emotional dynamics at play. Studies consistently show that unresolved issues can resurface unexpectedly, complicating adult interactions. As Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher and author, states, "Addressing past grievances is crucial for moving forward in relationships." Fostering open communication and setting firm boundaries is essential for emotional health. By utilizing proven strategies, individuals can navigate complex family dynamics more effectively, paving the way for healthier relationships and personal growth.