Entitled Woman Expects Cousin To Fund Her Wedding, He Refuses Because Her Fiancé Is a Cheater and Deadbeat

Relatives shouldn't be forced to pitch in for a wedding. Just because they did it before doesn't mean they'll always do it moving forward.

One Redditor has a good reason why he didn't want to contribute anything to his cousin's wedding. Let's take a look at the story he posted on the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit.

According to the original poster (OP), he has two cousins whose father died and didn't leave them much. Growing up, OP tried his best to spoil them whenever he visited, especially as his business grew more successful.

He thinks of them as little sisters. When their father passed away from COVID-19, it left them with even less.

Last year, one cousin got married to a great guy with a good career and a respectful attitude. OP was thrilled for her and contributed to the wedding expenses along with the groom's parents.

It was a modest wedding, but everyone agreed it was a good gift for the newlyweds. Soon, the other cousin announced she wanted to marry her current boyfriend and asked OP if he would pay for the wedding.

While OP normally would be happy to help, he couldn't bring himself to support this relationship. He disliked the boyfriend, who he felt had a "hood mentality," disrespected his heritage, cheated on his cousin, and lacked ambition, working only a part-time job as a cashier.

OP told his cousin she was free to marry her boyfriend and that he would attend the wedding and give a gift, but he wouldn't pay for it. She reacted angrily, calling him an asshole, and OP's wife also thought he was wrong for "playing favorites" and "controlling" who she marries.

The OP previously pitched in for his cousin's wedding. Now, the other cousin is asking him to do the same.

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The OP tells the community that he is close to his cousins, treating them like they're his sisters.

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Understanding the Psychological Dynamics

The situation described highlights significant psychological underpinnings related to entitlement and boundary violations. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, "Feelings of entitlement can often mask deeper insecurities and unmet emotional needs." Individuals who expect others to fulfill their desires without reciprocation may be unconsciously reflecting these issues. Such behaviors often emerge in close relationships, where the dynamics of power and responsibility can become distorted. As Dr. Esther Perel, a couples therapist, notes, "When one party feels their boundaries are being disregarded, it can lead to significant resentment and conflict." This underscores the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries in interpersonal relationships.

The OP pitched in for one cousin's wedding. He's supportive because she's marrying an overall great guy.

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This time, it's the other cousin who's getting married.

She expected the OP to pitch in since he did so for her sister.

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From a behavioral standpoint, this scenario may also reflect a classic case of projection, where the individual projects their own feelings of inadequacy onto their cousin. Studies show that projection serves as a defense mechanism, allowing individuals to avoid confronting their own shortcomings by attributing them to others. This pattern can create a cycle of blame, making it difficult to engage in constructive dialogue.

To break this cycle, it’s crucial to foster open communication. Engaging in active listening can help both parties express their feelings without judgment, promoting healthier interactions.

But the OP refuses to contribute to the wedding expenses because of the fiancé's disrespectful behavior and various other concerning qualities.

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There's nothing controlling in the OP's behavior.

The fact of the matter is that he's just not willing to spend money on this wedding.

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The Importance of Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is essential in maintaining relationships, especially when financial matters are involved. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, a clinical psychologist and author, boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not, allowing individuals to protect their emotional and financial well-being.

When someone feels pressured to support another financially, it can lead to feelings of resentment and obligation. Thus, it’s vital for individuals in such situations to articulate their limits clearly, ensuring that both parties understand their responsibilities.

He's just not paying. There's no explanation needed.

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A user suggests something he could set aside money for.

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The OP isn't trying to control his cousin's life choices, so he's not the a-hole in this situation. He simply doesn't want to finance a wedding for a relationship he disapproves of, especially given the fiancé's past infidelity and lack of ambition.

He's not exerting control over his cousin's decisions. There's just no reason to spend money on something one doesn't support.

The OP isn't obligated to spend money on this wedding.

The bride-to-be's reaction, though, is to be expected considering that he spent money on his other cousin.

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He can always explain the difference between the two men, and it's enough reason why he won't be giving anything financially for the wedding.

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Practical solutions include creating a mutual agreement before financial support is given, outlining expectations and responsibilities. This can prevent misunderstandings and provide a clear framework for the relationship. Research shows that establishing such agreements can enhance trust and reduce conflict, as both parties feel validated in their concerns.

Additionally, seeking the guidance of a mediator or therapist might be beneficial, especially if emotions run high. A neutral third party can help facilitate dialogue and ensure that both individuals feel heard and respected in their needs.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects a common psychological pattern where unmet emotional needs convert into entitlement, often leading to conflict. It's crucial for individuals to explore their feelings of obligation and communicate their boundaries to foster healthier relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

This case illustrates how underlying psychological dynamics can complicate relationships, especially when financial obligations are involved. Understanding these factors is the first step toward healthier interactions.

As noted by experts, setting clear boundaries and engaging in open communication can significantly improve relational dynamics and reduce feelings of entitlement and resentment.