Should I Ask My Husband To Prioritize Our Daughter Over His First Child?

This marriage has been a slow-burn mess for years, and it finally boils over in the pettiest, most brutal ways possible. OP is watching her husband treat his first daughter like the main character, while their daughter Sasha gets leftovers, excuses, and a distant kind of love that hurts in real time.

Here’s the complicated part: Kristen, who is 21, calls her dad five times a day, late at night included, and somehow always gets him to drop everything. OP’s own daughter, 18-year-old Sasha, lives in the same house, but the “who gets priority” energy is painfully obvious, especially when it comes to time, attention, and even money. Then the will locks it in, Kristen gets the apartment and the WW2 collection, and Sasha gets one room in an old hostel building.

And just when OP thinks it cannot get more obvious, Kristen adds a new cat to her dad’s flat, turning the whole situation into a reason for him to stay away.

Original Post

I hope this post won’t look messy, I’m so riled up that help me God. Me (F 50) and my husband (M 51) were married for 21 years.

He divorced his pregnant wife to get with me, but he saw his daughter Kristen whenever he wanted. Later I gave birth to our daughter Sasha but my husband was cheating on me and we took a break, I forbade him to see our daughter.

He missed her early years and now I think it changed everything. He doesn’t treat Kristen (21) and Sasha (18) the same.

Kristen is his number one thing, he comes running if she calls him and he can just drop everything if she asks. He pays for Sasha’s education but she just isn’t his priority.

He always talks about Kristen, it’s always about her. Sasha feels it and it hurts her.

I’m sure Kristen hates me for breaking her mom and my husband up. She always does things to rile me up.

She calls my husband 5 times a day to chat, even late at night when she knows he’s with me! She makes him spend a week in a month with her just ‘chilling’ in his apartment.

He never spends as much time with Sasha and we live together. It’s a victory if I manage to get us to watch a movie together.

Recently I learned that my husband left everything to Kristen in his will. She gets an apartment, his WW2 collection when Sasha gets just one room in an old hostel building!

Now there is a cat. Kristen already has 3, there is no place for more, so she dragged one into my husband’s flat.

She’s claiming someone threw him away and she just wanted to give him a home. That’s bullsh*t, she’s doing everything to keep my husband chained to his second flat, away from his other daughter and me.

He now has to stay there to feed it. Kristen does it when he’s not there, but now he has a reason to spend more time in his flat, and he keeps doing it.

Kristen knew it would be like this, she did this on purpose, I'm sure. I asked my husband to give the cat away or we’d have a problem, he said he’d think but he went and consulted Kristen.

From what I got, she accused him of betraying that cat and stopped talking to him. My husband spent all night writing her apologies and he told me he’d never get rid of the cat!

He didn’t even want it, Kristen brought it, it's just one more thing that keeps him away from his family! I finally had enough and I told him to pick between Kristen and Sasha.

He can’t have two relationships at once and if he cares about Sasha he has to prove it and pick her at least this once. It was weeks ago, he refuses to give me his answer and I keep feeling like I’m an a*****e but then I get angry again.

I know he loves Kristen, but maybe the threat to not seeing Sasha will make him realize he has another daughter who needs his attention. So AITA for wanting my husband to focus on our daughter for a change instead of constantly running around his first daughter?

Exploring Parenting Dynamics

Parenting relationships can be complex, especially in situations involving children from previous relationships. Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that blended families often experience unique challenges, particularly regarding loyalty and emotional investment.

Children may feel torn between parents, leading to anxiety and behavioral issues. It's vital for parents to navigate these waters with sensitivity and awareness.

Comment from u/TeepShow76

Comment from u/happybanana134

OP is already stressed because her husband runs to Kristen’s calls like it’s an emergency, even when he’s literally with her and Sasha in the same home.

Studies show that parental favoritism, whether perceived or real, can significantly impact sibling relationships and individual self-esteem.

Comment from u/dazedkatwoman

Comment from u/[deleted]

The tension spikes when Kristen keeps “chilling” in his apartment for a whole week at a time, leaving Sasha to sit there and feel invisible.

And if Sasha and Kristen’s situation has you thinking money, this is similar to a woman debating whether to ask struggling parents to share bills.

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

Comment from u/Blueheron77

Comment from u/FatherItsQuiteChilly

Things get uglier after OP finds out the will favors Kristen with an apartment and the WW2 collection, while Sasha is stuck with a single room in an old hostel building.

Recommendations for Healthy Co-Parenting

Research highlights the effectiveness of co-parenting plans that emphasize cooperation and shared responsibilities.

Regular family meetings can help address concerns and reinforce a sense of unity. This not only helps in making joint decisions but also models effective communication for the children.

Comment from u/fuxkyouforever

Comment from u/[deleted]

Then the cat drama drops, Kristen drags in another cat, and suddenly her husband has a new excuse to stay at the second flat and avoid spending time with Sasha.

The situation unfolding in this Reddit post highlights the intricate dynamics of parenting within blended families.

OP might not just be asking him to prioritize Sasha, she might be realizing Kristen already wrote the rules.

For another family blowup over rules, read about the mom who clashed with her daughter during strict fancy-restaurant dinner etiquette.