Should I Attend My Old Coworkers Funeral?

Would it be wrong to skip a former coworker's funeral? Delve into the etiquette and guilt-tripping surrounding this decision.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
5 Dec 2025

Should I Attend My Old Coworkers Funeral?

In this thought-provoking Reddit thread, a user grapples with a difficult decision: whether or not to attend the funeral of an old coworker they never met in person. The situation becomes even more complicated as they navigate the expectations of their manager and the desire to support the grieving family, all while managing family obligations and personal anxieties.

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The user feels guilty after their manager insists that attending the funeral is necessary, especially since many other employees plan to attend. As they weigh their options, the original poster is left questioning their own decision, wondering if they are in the wrong for prioritizing their own commitments and emotional well-being over the funeral.

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The comments section quickly fills with opinions, with many users arguing that it’s perfectly acceptable to decline a funeral invitation when there is no personal connection. This situation raises important questions about social expectations, workplace dynamics, and the nature of grief.

Is it appropriate for managers to pressure employees into attending such events, especially when the relationship is minimal? And how do we balance our personal lives with the perceived obligations to colleagues?

Join the discussion and share your thoughts on this complex social scenario.

Original Post

I work from home full time, and I have an old coworker, whom I have never met but spoke to a few times on teams who passed away. This coworker was no longer working with the company and I only started with the company a few months before he stopped working there.

Recently, I found out this coworker passed away. Although I'm sad for him and his family, there is a funeral on Saturday and I was not planning to attend.

I was gifted a Christmas Event to take myself, my 7 year old daughter and my husband to, and would then need to return from the event quickly, get ready for a funeral (and buy clothes for a funeral - I don't own anything nice to wear and am financially strapped), and drive about an hour each way out of town in winter driving conditions to attend the funeral on Saturday. I was asked if I was attending the funeral by my manager, and had mentioned that since I did not know this coworker, and although offer my condolences, I would not be attending - I also mentioned I have plans and the drive would make time tight.

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I was guilted in saying that I should be going and that everyone else is going, and it's a show of support for his family. As much as I understand this, I do not know this man, I've never met anyone in his family, and I've spoken to him maybe a few short times on teams, and I have a young daughter that I promised to spend this time with.

Now I'm wondering if I've done the wrong thing and should be attending? I've never been to a funeral before and the thought of this is making me incredibly anxious.

AITA? Should I be attending the funeral?

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