Should I Attend My Old Coworkers Funeral?

Would it be wrong to skip a former coworker's funeral? Delve into the etiquette and guilt-tripping surrounding this decision.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
5 Dec 2025

Should I Attend My Old Coworkers Funeral?

OP thought she was handling grief like a normal person, until her manager turned one Teams coworker’s death into a live, in-person guilt test. She works from home, spoke to the guy only a few times at work, and somehow still ended up being asked, directly, if she was going to the funeral Saturday.

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The problem is, Saturday already has a full schedule. She was gifted a Christmas event for her, her 7-year-old daughter, and her husband, and she planned to return quickly, scramble to get something “nice” for a funeral, and drive an hour each way in winter conditions. Then the manager hit her with the “everyone else is going” line, framing attendance as support for his family.

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Now OP is stuck, anxious about her first funeral ever, wondering if skipping a service for someone she never truly knew makes her the asshole.

Original Post

I work from home full time, and I have an old coworker, whom I have never met but spoke to a few times on teams who passed away. This coworker was no longer working with the company and I only started with the company a few months before he stopped working there.

Recently, I found out this coworker passed away. Although I'm sad for him and his family, there is a funeral on Saturday and I was not planning to attend.

I was gifted a Christmas Event to take myself, my 7 year old daughter and my husband to, and would then need to return from the event quickly, get ready for a funeral (and buy clothes for a funeral - I don't own anything nice to wear and am financially strapped), and drive about an hour each way out of town in winter driving conditions to attend the funeral on Saturday. I was asked if I was attending the funeral by my manager, and had mentioned that since I did not know this coworker, and although offer my condolences, I would not be attending - I also mentioned I have plans and the drive would make time tight.

I was guilted in saying that I should be going and that everyone else is going, and it's a show of support for his family. As much as I understand this, I do not know this man, I've never met anyone in his family, and I've spoken to him maybe a few short times on teams, and I have a young daughter that I promised to spend this time with.

Now I'm wondering if I've done the wrong thing and should be attending? I've never been to a funeral before and the thought of this is making me incredibly anxious.