Should I Confront My Friend for Dating My Ex Without Knowing?

A 28-year-old woman, Sarah, swore she had no idea she was dating her friend’s ex, even though the two women and “Alex” had been around each other enough to make the whole thing feel weirdly obvious. And now OP, 29F, is stuck in that special kind of post-breakup confusion where it is not the ex that hurts, it is the betrayal from the person who was supposed to have her back.

OP dated Alex for five years, ended things amicably, and never brought it up to Sarah because she wanted to keep the peace. But a mutual friend dropped the bomb: Sarah has been seeing Alex. Sarah insists it is a real connection and that she truly did not know about the past, even though they all hung out together multiple times.

Now OP has to decide whether confronting Sarah will blow up their friendship, or if staying quiet will feel worse.

Original Post

So I'm (29F), and a few months ago, I broke up with my ex (30M) of five years, let's call him Alex. Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that my close friend, let's call her Sarah (28F), has been seeing Alex.

Now, Sarah claims she had no idea Alex and I dated, even though we all hung out together multiple times. She says they have a genuine connection and didn't mean to hurt me.

For background, I never mentioned my relationship with Alex to Sarah because it ended amicably, and I didn't want to make things awkward. However, I feel hurt and betrayed that she's dating him now.

It's not about Alex, but more about Sarah's actions. I'm torn between confronting Sarah about this breach of friendship and just letting it go.

On one hand, I understand that feelings can develop naturally, but on the other hand, it feels wrong that she didn't ask me how I'd feel about it. So WIBTA for bringing this up to Sarah, even though she claims innocence?

This scenario shines a light on the complications of dating within close social circles. The OP's friend Sarah claims ignorance about the relationship with Alex, but in today's age of social media and interconnected lives, is that really plausible? It's hard to believe that someone in their late twenties wouldn't connect the dots, especially if they frequently interact with the OP and her ex. This raises questions about the depth of their friendship and Sarah's motives.

Did she overlook the significance of their past, or is there something more insidious at play? The emotional fallout for the OP is palpable, as she grapples with feelings of betrayal and confusion.

Comment from u/Plants_and_Coffee_luvr

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Comment from u/mochalatte33

The second OP heard “Sarah is dating Alex” from a mutual friend, the breakup stopped feeling clean and started feeling personal.

The Complexity of Ignorance

Sarah's claim that she didn't know about Alex and the OP's past is a key point of contention.

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Since OP says she never mentioned the relationship to Sarah to avoid awkwardness, the “I had no idea” excuse lands even colder.

This debate mirrors the AITA case, where a woman confronted her friend over secretly dating her ex, even after everyone hung out together.

Reactions from the Community

The Reddit community's reaction to this post has been fascinating.

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And the fact that Sarah and OP were around Alex together multiple times makes OP wonder what Sarah really knew, and when she knew it.

Why This Story Strikes a Chord

This dilemma resonates because it encapsulates a universal conflict: the intersection of friendship and romantic history. Many readers have faced similar situations where a friend gets involved with an ex, sparking feelings of betrayal or confusion. The OP’s struggle to determine whether confronting Sarah is justified taps into deeper themes of trust, loyalty, and the risks of navigating social circles. It's a classic scenario that brings up the question of whether friendship can survive romantic entanglements.

This kind of emotional complexity is what keeps readers engaged, as they find themselves reflecting on their own relationships and the lines they’d draw in the sand.

Comment from u/sk8r_girl

So when Sarah claims innocence and says it is just chemistry, OP is left deciding if she should call it out or swallow it for good.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

The Bigger Picture

This story illustrates the delicate balance of friendships intertwined with romantic history, leaving readers pondering where loyalty truly lies. As the OP considers whether to confront Sarah, it raises an intriguing question: can friendships endure when romantic feelings are involved, and at what point does ignorance become a betrayal? This dilemma is relatable for many and invites us to think critically about our own boundaries and reactions in similar situations.

The situation between the OP and her friend Sarah highlights the complexities of navigating friendships within tight social circles. Sarah's claim of ignorance about the OP's relationship with Alex seems dubious, especially given their mutual social interactions. This raises questions about the depth of their friendship and whether Sarah truly considered the OP's feelings before pursuing a relationship with her ex. The OP's feelings of betrayal are valid, as they underscore the essential need for transparency and respect in friendships, particularly when romantic histories are involved.

OP is not just fighting over Alex, she is fighting over whether Sarah’s “ignorance” was real or convenient.

Before you talk to Sarah, read how one woman confronted her friend about dating Alex.