Should I Date My Best Friends Crush Behind Her Back?

A 27-year-old woman is stuck in the kind of mess that makes group chats go quiet. Her best friend, Sarah, has been quietly pining for their mutual friend, Alex, for months, and the OP has been the loyal shoulder Sarah uses to vent, over and over.

Then Alex drops the plot twist. He tells the OP he has feelings for her, asks her out, and she admits she feels the same. But instead of being honest with Sarah, she and Alex start dating in secret, while the OP keeps up the act of “supporting” Sarah like nothing is happening.

The real question is not whether the OP has feelings, it’s whether love is worth the betrayal she’s actively building day by day.

Original Post

So I'm a 27F, and my best friend, let's call her Sarah, 26F, has been crushing hard on our mutual friend, Alex, 28M. Sarah's always confided in me about her feelings for Alex, and I've always been there to listen and support her.

Recently, Alex confessed to me that he actually has feelings for me and asked me out on a date. Shocked and caught off guard, I didn't know how to respond, so I said I needed time to think.

I can't deny that I've developed feelings for Alex too, and I think we could genuinely be great together. However, I know this could devastate Sarah if she found out.

Despite this, Alex and I have been seeing each other in secret, going on dates behind Sarah's back while pretending to support her in pursuing him. I feel torn between my loyalty to Sarah, who's been an amazing friend, and my own happiness with Alex.

On one hand, I don't want to hurt Sarah by betraying her trust, but on the other hand, I deserve to pursue my own happiness, right? So AITA for secretly dating my best friend's crush while pretending to support her?

I honestly don't know if I'm wrong here. What should I do?

Torn Between Friendship and Desire

This scenario hits home for many because it captures the tension between personal happiness and loyalty to friends. The OP is in a classic love triangle, but the stakes are elevated since she’s actively deceiving her best friend. It’s one thing to have feelings for someone who’s off-limits; it’s another to go behind a friend’s back while pretending to support her.

The OP’s decision to date the crush in secret not only complicates her own emotions but also poses risks to her friendship. Readers can’t help but wonder: can genuine happiness be built on a foundation of betrayal?

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OP’s “I need time to think” answer to Alex quickly turns into a private dating schedule that Sarah never gets to be part of.

The Community Reaction

The responses on Reddit reflect a diverse range of opinions, with some users siding with the OP's right to pursue her own happiness, while others call her actions selfish and deceptive. This divide underscores a common dilemma in relationships: when does self-interest cross the line into betrayal?

Many commenters brought up personal experiences, highlighting how friendships can become fragile in the face of romantic interest. The varying perspectives also reveal that everyone has different boundaries regarding loyalty and love, making this a relatable yet complex issue.

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While Sarah keeps trusting OP with her crush updates, OP is also out on dates with Alex, smiling like she’s still cheering her on.

This is similar to the AITA situation where someone dated their best friend’s ex, despite the ex’s role in the friend group.

Read: is it wrong to date your best friend’s ex?

The moment Alex confesses to OP, the whole dynamic shifts, but OP’s choice to keep it secret makes the betrayal worse than the feelings.

What makes this story particularly compelling is how it emphasizes the gray areas of morality in relationships. The OP’s pursuit of her friend’s crush blurs the lines between friendship and romantic interest, raising questions about what’s acceptable in the name of love.

It’s not just about who deserves to date whom, but also about the emotional fallout that can result from such choices. The OP has to weigh her chance at happiness against the potential heartbreak for her friend, illustrating the messiness of human emotions and relationships.

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By the time the Reddit community starts weighing in, Sarah is still in the dark, and OP is still pretending it’s all normal.

Consequences of Choices

Another layer to this unfolding drama is the inevitable consequences of the OP’s choices. Should her friend find out, the fallout could permanently damage their relationship. The OP’s actions are not just a secret fling; they’ve set in motion a potential rift that could leave both women hurt.

This scenario serves as a vivid reminder that decisions made in the name of love can have far-reaching implications. It’s a classic case of wanting it all, but at what cost? The emotional stakes are high, making readers invest in the outcome as they speculate what they would do in a similar situation.

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What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

What It Comes Down To

This story resonates because it captures the messy reality of relationships, where love and loyalty often collide. The OP’s dilemma is a reminder that pursuing personal happiness can come with hefty emotional costs, especially when friends are involved. How do you think she should navigate this situation? Should she prioritize her friendship, or is her happiness worth the risk? This question lingers long after the post ends, leaving readers to ponder their own values in similar circumstances.

Sarah might forgive a lot, but she’s not going to love finding out she was the cover story for her own best friend’s romance.

Before you make a move on Alex, see what happened when someone pursued a friend’s crush after being set up. Read: should you pursue your friend’s crush after she set you up?