Should I Date My Mutual Friends Ex?
AITA for dating a friend's ex who still has feelings for them, causing rifts in our friend group and leaving me torn between my happiness and loyalty?
A 27-year-old woman refused to play it safe when her longtime friends, Alice and Tom, pulled her into the most awkward love triangle imaginable. Tom, her college buddy turned ex-boyfriend to Alice, suddenly asked her out after confessing he still has feelings for her. And she said yes.
The complication? Alice and Tom dated for three years and broke up only a year ago. Alice still loves Tom, and the moment she found out, she accused the OP of betraying her trust and breaking the “girl code.” Now the friend group is split, and the OP is stuck between following her heart and watching her actions blow up a whole circle.
Because sometimes the real breakup is the one that happens inside your friend group.
Original Post
I (27F) have been friends with 'Alice' and 'Tom' (both 28) since college. Alice and Tom dated for three years, but broke up a year ago.
Recently, Tom asked me out, confessing he has feelings for me. Despite knowing Alice still loves Tom, I agreed.
Alice was devastated when she found out and accused me of betraying her trust and breaking the 'girl code.' She feels I should have considered her feelings before dating Tom. I care about both of them, but I also have feelings for Tom.
Now, our friend group is divided, and I feel torn between my happiness and hurting Alice. So AITA?
The Heart of the Conflict
This situation is layered with emotional complexity, especially since the woman is dating her friend Alice's ex, who still has feelings for her. That creates a tightrope walk between personal happiness and loyalty to a friend. It’s one thing to date someone who’s moved on, but it’s another to dive into a relationship when feelings are still raw. Alice isn’t just another friend; she’s someone who’s emotionally invested in this past relationship, and the OP’s actions directly impact her.
The conflict here isn’t merely about dating; it’s about the potential fallout within their friend group. The OP has to weigh her desire for love against the risk of severing ties with Alice and others in their circle, highlighting a universal dilemma many can relate to.
Comment from u/CoffeeBean77
Comment from u/sunsetlover123
Comment from u/gamer_gal
Tom’s “I have feelings for you” confession hits hard, but Alice’s reaction makes it way messier than a normal first date.
Resonance with Readers
This story struck a chord with many readers because it taps into a common experience: the messy overlap of friendship and romance. The Reddit community lit up with comments, showcasing how divided opinions can get. Some argued that love is worth pursuing, regardless of the past, while others felt the OP should have prioritized loyalty to Alice.
This duality reflects broader societal views on relationships. It’s fascinating to see how personal experiences shape opinions in such discussions.
Comment from u/music_lover_1990
Comment from u/AdventureSeekerX
Comment from u/hikingjunkie18
Alice devastatedly finding out about OP and Tom is the moment the “friend group” stops feeling like a neutral zone.
Similar to the Reddit debate over dating a best friend’s recent ex-boyfriend, feelings and loyalty collide, in this “best friend’s ex” AITA situation.
The moral grey area here is intriguing. On one hand, the OP's feelings are valid and deserve exploration. On the other hand, the potential emotional damage to Alice cannot be overlooked. This situation raises questions about where personal happiness should end and loyalty should begin. Is it acceptable to pursue a relationship at the risk of hurting a friend, especially when that friend is still emotionally attached?
This dilemma isn’t unique to this story; it happens often in social circles. The OP's choice to date the ex adds pressure not just on her but also on the entire friend group, showcasing how intertwined relationships can complicate personal decisions.
Comment from u/whimsical_dreamer
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Comment from u/moonlight_wanderer
The girl code accusation lands because OP didn’t just date an ex, she dated the guy who’s still emotionally tied to Alice.
The Ripple Effect
The fallout from this situation extends beyond just the OP and Alice.
Comment from u/skygazer94
Now that everyone is divided, OP’s torn feelings are less about romance and more about who she might lose in the process.
How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.
Final Thoughts
This story underscores the complexities of navigating friendships and romantic interests, especially when feelings are still raw. The OP is left grappling with her happiness and the potential fallout on her friendship with Alice. As readers weigh in, it raises the question: how far should we go for love, and where do we draw the line when it comes to loyalty? What would you do in this situation?
Why This Matters
In this scenario, the woman, referred to as OP, is caught in a classic dilemma between pursuing her own happiness and maintaining loyalty to her friend Alice. Her decision to date Tom, Alice's ex who still has lingering feelings, highlights a common struggle where personal desires clash with social expectations, like the unspoken "girl code." Alice's sense of betrayal is heightened by the emotional stakes involved, as she feels her past relationship is being disregarded. The fallout within their friend group illustrates how quickly relationships can become strained when romantic interests intersect, leaving everyone to navigate the messy aftermath.
She might get the relationship she wanted, but she could end up losing the friendship she can’t replace.
Wondering if dating Alice and Tom’s ex makes you TA? See this AITA case.
