Should I Hire a Caregiver for My Stubborn Elderly Dad? | Reddit Advice
Struggling to care for her dad, a woman questions if hiring a caregiver against his wishes is the right move – Reddit users weigh in on the dilemma.
OP’s dad is the kind of stubborn that turns “I should probably get help” into a full-blown argument every single time. After her mom passed, the 38-year-old had her 70-year-old father move in, and it sounded temporary at first. It did not stay temporary.
Now her dad is falling more often, forgetting his meds, and struggling with basic tasks, but he keeps insisting he’s fine. He refuses to move to a facility, refuses a caregiver, and shuts down every conversation before it goes anywhere useful. Meanwhile, OP has a job, can’t take time off forever, and is stuck between respecting his independence and watching him spiral.
Here’s the moment OP has to decide if her dad’s pride is worth the next fall.
Original Post
So I'm (38F), and my dad (70M) has been living with me for the past year since my mom passed away. Before she died, she was his primary caregiver, but now he's heavily reliant on me for everything.
His health is declining, and he needs round-the-clock care, which I can't provide due to my job. For background, my dad is fiercely independent and stubborn.
He refuses to consider moving to a care facility or having a caregiver at home. He insists that he's fine and doesn't need help, even though it's evident that he does.
Recently, he's been falling more frequently, forgetting to take his medications, and struggling with basic tasks. I'm worried about his safety and well-being.
I've brought up the idea of hiring a caregiver multiple times, but he always shuts it down. I can't keep taking time off work to care for him, and I'm concerned about his health deteriorating further.
So, WIBTA if I hire a caregiver against his wishes for his own good?
By creating a dialogue, families can collaboratively identify when professional care may become necessary, reducing feelings of resentment or helplessness among both parties.
Comment from u/adventure_time98
Comment from u/coffee_and_chill
Comment from u/doglover_23
OP has already tried bringing up a caregiver “multiple times,” and each time her dad responds with the same stubborn shutdown.
The falls and the missed medication start stacking up, right as OP realizes she cannot keep covering everything between shifts.
It’s like the kid who played loud games after parents kept them up all night.
In the context of deciding whether to hire a caregiver for an elderly parent, a gradual approach emerges as a prudent strategy. For the 38-year-old woman navigating this dilemma, starting with part-time assistance can serve as a gentle introduction to the idea of professional help. This incremental strategy may ease her father's anxiety about losing his independence, allowing him to adjust to the new dynamic in a less threatening manner.
Involving her father in the decision-making process is also crucial. By allowing him to participate in selecting a caregiver who resonates with his preferences, she can foster a sense of control and comfort, potentially leading to a more positive experience for both parties. This collaborative approach not only respects her father's autonomy but also smooths the transition into receiving care.
Comment from u/sunset_dreamer99
Comment from u/bookworm_jones
Every time her dad refuses to even consider moving to a care facility, OP is left holding the entire responsibility like it’s automatically hers.
When OP finally thinks about hiring help against his wishes, it turns into a question of safety versus control, with the medication and the next fall hanging over the house.
What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.
The dilemma faced by the woman in the Reddit thread encapsulates a broader struggle many experience when caring for aging parents. Hiring a caregiver is not merely a logistical decision but a deeply emotional one. Open communication emerges as a vital strategy, allowing both the daughter and her father to voice their concerns and desires. This dialogue is essential for maintaining respect in their relationship, particularly as the father may feel a sense of loss regarding his independence. Introducing part-time care represents a thoughtful approach, easing both the parent and child into this new dynamic without overwhelming them. The key lies in finding a balance between preserving the father's autonomy and ensuring he receives the support necessary for his safety and health. By engaging him in these discussions, the daughter fosters trust and partnership, which can ultimately lead to a more harmonious caregiving experience.
The dilemma faced by the 38-year-old woman in the Reddit thread is emblematic of a broader issue many families confront when caring for aging parents. The tension between an elderly individual's desire for autonomy and the necessity for safety can create significant emotional strain. Her father's strong inclination towards independence speaks volumes about his character and the life experiences that have shaped him. However, as health concerns mount, this fierce independence can become a double-edged sword. It is crucial to navigate this delicate balance with compassion and open dialogue. By fostering an environment where her father feels heard and respected, she can help him embrace the idea of receiving assistance without perceiving it as a loss of control. This approach not only honors his autonomy but also prioritizes his well-being, ultimately facilitating a healthier dynamic between them.
If he’s falling and skipping meds, OP is not the problem for wanting a plan.
For another family power struggle, read about in-laws favoring one of our kids and the AITA fallout.
