Should I Sell My Exs Abandoned Belongings After His Betrayal? AITA?

In a relationship that spanned five years, a shocking revelation turned everything upside down for a Reddit user. Discovering a hidden second phone filled with dating apps and messages shattered trust completely.

Shortly after this betrayal, the ex-partner announced a permanent move abroad for a new job, leaving behind all his belongings, from clothes to personal items. The dilemma now arises - what should be done with these abandoned possessions?

The decision to sell the ex's things without giving him a chance to retrieve them is causing inner turmoil for the Reddit user. On one hand, there's a sense of hurt and betrayal after uncovering infidelity.

Selling the items could symbolize closure and a fresh start. However, some may argue it's essential to offer the ex an opportunity to collect his belongings before taking such a drastic step.

The Reddit community is divided on whether the user would be justified in selling the items or if it would be considered an unfair move. Top comments on the thread range from supporting the sale of the items as a closure-seeking act to advising communication and setting deadlines for retrieval before any sales occur.

The community's opinions reflect the complexity of the situation and the varying perspectives on how to handle the aftermath of a significant breach of trust in a relationship.

Original Post

I (30F) was in a relationship with my ex (28M) for five years. He often traveled abroad for work, and last month, I made a shocking discovery that changed everything.

While he was away on one of his trips, I found a second phone he had hidden, filled with dating apps and messages. It shattered my trust completely.

Soon after my discovery, he informed me that he was moving abroad permanently for a new job opportunity and left all his belongings behind. Clothes, gadgets, personal items - everything.

Now, I'm grappling with the decision of what to do with his things. Do I donate them to charity or simply dump them?

It's a tough call. On one hand, I'm hurt and betrayed by his actions, finding out he was unfaithful after five years together.

On the other hand, I know selling his belongings would be a significant step towards closure for me. So, Reddit, considering the circumstances, am I the jerk to sell his things without giving him a chance to retrieve them, or would I be justified in doing so?

Relationship experts often emphasize the importance of closure after a painful breakup. Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, suggests that allowing unresolved feelings to linger can prolong emotional distress.

She advocates for finding constructive ways to process emotions, which can include discussions about what to do with shared items. This approach not only offers clarity but can also facilitate healing by allowing individuals to reclaim their space and emotional well-being.

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The Psychological Impact

According to psychologists, such as Dr. Brené Brown, unresolved emotional pain can lead to long-term psychological issues. Her research highlights how betrayal can trigger feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy.

By selling or discarding abandoned belongings, individuals can symbolize letting go, a crucial step toward healing. This act provides a tangible way to reclaim one's life and move forward, fostering emotional resilience and growth.

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Financial planners often suggest practical approaches to managing ex-partners' belongings. For instance, Ramit Sethi, a personal finance expert, advocates for assessing the value of items before deciding to sell them.

He recommends itemizing possessions and researching potential resale values, which not only helps in generating income but also allows for a more organized approach to the situation. This step can be empowering, turning a painful experience into a financially beneficial one.

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Moving Forward with Intention

Experts in personal development highlight the importance of setting intentions after a breakup. According to James Clear, author and habit expert, deliberate action can create a sense of control in turbulent times.

He recommends creating a personal action plan that includes what to do with abandoned possessions, establishing timelines for sorting through items, and deciding whether to donate or sell. This structured approach not only aids in decision-making but also promotes emotional clarity and healing.

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Moving Forward: Actionable Steps

In navigating the emotional complexities of a breakup, expert insights reveal that taking decisive actions can significantly impact recovery. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship researcher, emphasizes that closure is vital for moving on and that letting go of physical reminders can aid in emotional healing.

By undertaking these actions with intention, such as selling or donating abandoned items, individuals can reclaim their space and emotional well-being. Ultimately, the journey toward healing requires both practical steps and emotional support.

Expert Opinion

The situation highlighted in the article reflects a common psychological response to betrayal: people often seek closure to regain control over their emotional landscape.

Selling or discarding an ex's belongings can symbolize a significant step toward healing, allowing the individual to reclaim their space and move forward after a breach of trust.

This decision is driven by a mix of hurt and the need for resolution, illustrating how our emotions can push us to take action that we believe will facilitate recovery.