Woman Shares Her Entitled Mom's Response All Because She Wanted To Skip Thanksgiving

Family preparations for Thanksgiving often involve a lot of planning and effort. Many families have traditional dishes and activities that are passed down through generations.

In some households, the women are expected to take on most of the cooking and cleaning responsibilities, while the men often relax and enjoy the fruits of the women's labor. However, many families are now opting for more modern and equitable approaches to holiday preparations.

Some people may choose to cook together as a family, while others may outsource some of the cooking or order pre-made dishes. The key to a successful and enjoyable Thanksgiving is finding a balance that works for everyone involved and prioritizing time with loved ones.

OP's family gatherings are notorious for being overwhelming and stressful. OP's mother expects everyone to drop everything and attend a slew of holiday events, with the women shouldering the bulk of the cooking and cleaning responsibilities.

This time, OP and her sister decided to change the time of arrival and assert their independence. They proposed a mutual agreement, but their mom's reaction was far from understanding.

The situation escalated, and OP ended up saying she wouldn't attend the family gathering at all. With hurt feelings and unmet expectations on both sides, OP's mother sent her away with her words.

Read on to see how OP's decision to prioritize her own needs plays out.

The OP writes

Reddit

The men show up just in time to eat, then sit around drinking and watching football

Reddit

They were coming for dinner at the same time as the boys do

Reddit

Balancing Family Dynamics

Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, emphasizes the importance of balance in family dynamics, especially during holiday gatherings. He notes that traditional roles often lead to frustration for those carrying the burden of preparation.

By openly discussing roles and responsibilities, families can encourage a more equitable distribution of tasks. This approach not only reduces resentment but also fosters teamwork, creating a more enjoyable experience for everyone involved. Encouraging dialogue about expectations can significantly enhance family cohesion during the holidays.

Creating Positive Family Traditions

Family therapist Dr. Tina Payne Bryson encourages families to create new traditions that reflect everyone's interests and preferences. She notes that modern families often benefit from traditions that allow for flexibility and inclusivity.

By incorporating diverse activities that appeal to all family members, such as potluck dinners or collaborative cooking sessions, families can shift away from rigid expectations. This not only fosters a sense of togetherness but also allows for shared responsibility, making the holiday experience more enjoyable for everyone.

"If you hate spending time with me so much then just don’t come at all.”

Reddit

The OP knows she didn’t mean it, but she's bitter about it anyway

Reddit

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

Mom and I got in an argument, and out of frustration she said I shouldn’t come to Thanksgiving dinner, so I have decided that I’m not going. That might make me the a-hole because I know Mom didn’t mean it, and I know how important it is for her to have everyone together for the holiday.

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

Reddit

As a relationship expert, Dr. Alexandra Solomon highlights the emotional weight that family gatherings can carry. The pressure to conform to family traditions can lead to feelings of resentment and entitlement, especially when individuals feel sidelined.

She recommends practices like setting boundaries and openly discussing feelings before events. This proactive approach can transform family dynamics, allowing individuals to express their needs without guilt, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling holiday experience.

They expect the OP to clean?

Reddit

OP's mom is used to everyone bending to her will

Reddit

What should work wonders is...

Reddit

Understanding Entitlement in Family Relationships

Psychologists note that feelings of entitlement often stem from unmet expectations within family relationships. Dr. John Gray, a renowned relationship author, explains that these feelings can lead to conflict if not addressed head-on.

He suggests that families engage in open dialogues about each member's holiday expectations, which can help clear misunderstandings. When everyone feels heard, it can reduce feelings of entitlement and lead to more harmonious interactions during family gatherings.

The OP stood up for herself

Reddit

It's the mother dearest for me

Reddit

OP's mom made it all or nothing

Reddit

Dr. Laura Berman, a sex therapist, suggests that emotional support and understanding are crucial during high-stress family gatherings. She notes that when individuals feel validated, they are less likely to react negatively to perceived slights or misunderstandings.

To improve communication, she recommends that family members practice active listening techniques. This includes summarizing what others say and asking clarifying questions. By fostering a culture of empathy, families can mitigate tensions that arise from unmet expectations.

OP's mom seems to like control

Reddit

The outcome of OP's decision remains uncertain, and the future of her relationship with her mother hangs in the balance. As the days go by, OP waits to see if her mom will reach out and apologize or try to make amends.

The silence is deafening, and OP is torn between feeling guilty and feeling relieved. OP's choice to prioritize herself may lead to a more balanced connection or a wider rift, and only time will reveal the results of her actions.

Is it okay for OP to not attend Thanksgiving because of her personal needs apart from the drama with her mother? Kindly share your thoughts in the comment section.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights how family dynamics can create pressure and expectations that lead to conflict. OP's mother likely feels entitled to maintain the status quo, where her role as the primary organizer goes unchallenged, reflecting a need for control. Meanwhile, OP's decision to prioritize her own needs signifies a shift towards asserting independence, which is essential for healthy boundaries but can understandably lead to tension in established family roles.

Moving Forward: Actionable Steps

In summary, navigating family dynamics during holidays can be complex, especially when expectations clash. Experts like Dr. William Doherty and Dr. Alexandra Solomon highlight the importance of open communication and shared responsibilities to foster a more equitable atmosphere.

By embracing flexibility and encouraging dialogue, families can create a more positive environment that respects individual needs. Ultimately, transforming holiday gatherings into collaborative experiences can help strengthen family bonds and reduce feelings of entitlement, leading to a more harmonious celebration.