Woman Seeks Advice After Stepson Hides True Identity From Her but Reveals It Publicly

Many people in our society believe that heterosexuality is the norm, so gay individuals must, therefore, constantly choose when and to whom to reveal their sexual orientation or identity. LGBTQ individuals go through processes to come out to others about their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Coming out is a very personal and unique experience that takes a lot of courage for anyone to undertake. When you come out, you can feel everything from happiness and relief to fear and nervousness.

There's no one correct way to come out, and speaking out about your sexual orientation can sometimes seem more comfortable than keeping it a secret. Not every person comes out in the same manner, and not everyone comes out to everyone at the same time or to everyone in their lives.

For many, it is an arduous and protracted battle, made more difficult by the numerous homophobic attitudes and discriminatory acts they frequently encounter along the way. This must be why the OP's stepson couldn't tell her about his new identity.

The OP and her stepson are very close, but she only found out about his identity on his TikTok page. Mind you, the OP doesn't care either way as long as he is happy.

OP just wants her stepson to know he's loved and supported, but she isn't sure if she should express that to him.

The OP writes

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

The OP just wants him to know that he's loved and supported by her

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

The OP leaves a summary, and here it is:

My stepson says he is bi on his public TikTok profile. Do I say something or let him come to me?

We've gathered some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through below

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Coming out was even really a thing

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Understanding Identity and Relationships

Dr. Emily Carter, a clinical psychologist at the University of Michigan, emphasizes the complexity of identity disclosure in relationships. When someone withholds a significant part of their identity, it can stem from fear of rejection or misunderstanding. Research shows that individuals may fear that revealing their true selves will disrupt their existing relationships, especially in close family dynamics.

As such, the stepson's choice to hide his identity could reflect deep-seated anxieties about acceptance and belonging. The pressure to conform to familial expectations can often lead to a disconnect between one's authentic self and how one chooses to present themselves to others.

It can be a really fraught thing for a kid

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Assuring him that she already knew and it doesn't really matter

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Attachment theory provides a relevant lens to understand this situation. According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher and author, “Individuals with insecure attachment styles often struggle with vulnerability and trust, which can lead them to withhold important information from loved ones as a protective measure.” This aligns with the stepson's reluctance to share his identity, which could be interpreted as a defense mechanism designed to safeguard himself from potential emotional harm.

The other person feels like they don't know her

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

This will make their coming out a lot easier

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

The OP reveals how she came across her stepson's page

It pulled up as people you may know because they attached their phone number to their profile, and I was going to add him, but I am glad I read their bio first because I don't want to freak him out!

He may not be sharing for a multitude of reasons

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

The OP says that she is going to keep the information to herself

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Navigating the Conversation

To address this situation constructively, open and empathetic communication is essential. Dr. John Bowlby, a pioneer in attachment theory, suggests that creating a safe space for dialogue can help individuals express their fears and concerns without judgment. Practicing active listening and validating feelings can facilitate this process.

Offering reassurance can encourage the stepson to share his identity in his own time. It's vital to approach this conversation with patience and understanding, allowing him to feel secure in revealing his true self.

"I just want you to know that I love and support you"

Reddit/Dezziedisaster

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates classic patterns of identity protection commonly seen in close relationships. The stepson's reluctance likely stems from a combination of fear and past experiences that shaped his approach to revealing personal truths.

Understanding these dynamics can lead to healthier interactions and ultimately a more authentic relationship.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

These psychological insights underscore the importance of understanding identity in relational dynamics. Research consistently supports the idea that a supportive and accepting environment is crucial for individuals to feel safe revealing their true selves. As numerous studies suggest, fostering open communication can enhance trust and strengthen familial bonds.

Many people must first battle the negative stereotypes and homophobic sentiments they internalized as children. This may cause them not to open up to their loved ones, and while some Redditors told the OP to tell her stepson, others advised her to wait for him to open up to her.

What the OP can do is make sure that her stepson knows that he is safe, loved, and cared for.