Woman Faces Backlash For Lying To Her Fiancé About Her Income And Making Secret Purchases
“Am I the a**hole for keeping the amount of money I’m actually making a secret?”
Transparency is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship—especially when it comes to financial matters. However, one Redditor confessed to harboring a ‘small’ financial secret from her soon-to-be husband, which sparked quite a lively debate.
After two years of living together, our narrator (Original Poster) and her partner took a leap of faith and upgraded to a charming 3-bedroom house. Exciting, right? Now, throw in the thrill of a surprise proposal from her beloved, and OP was over the moon with happiness. Life couldn't get any sweeter.
However, with great space comes great responsibility—namely, furnishing it with essentials like a washer and dryer. After securing the shiny new appliance set on credit, the couple’s monthly bills skyrocketed by $700.
But fear not, for this financially conscious couple swiftly opened a joint account and crafted the perfect budget to tackle their financial hurdles—the sooner the debts were paid, the sooner they could dive straight into planning their wedding.
Now, here’s where things get tricky. OP made $600 less than her fiancé monthly, and their entire budget was built around that. However, she began taking on extra work and stealthily amassed a secret stash of cash without his knowledge.
Things were tight on the home front financially, and the strain began to show on OP’s fiancé. They also needed a couple of appliances, so OP splurged on a new weed eater and spun a web of white lies about the cost to avoid getting caught in her tracks.
For all he knew, she bought it with the money she earned from a plasma donation, and it cost half the original amount.
Did all this secret spending make OP a bad person?
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of background
Reddit.comThe Psychology of Financial Deception
Financial deception, often rooted in fear or shame, can severely undermine trust in relationships. Research suggests that individuals may hide financial information due to feelings of inadequacy or fear of judgment.
According to a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, financial dishonesty can lead to significant relational conflicts and breakdowns in communication.
OP informed her fiancé about her earnings each month, but kept some details from him
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OP went further to purchase a weed eater for their home and lied about the cost. She also lied about where the money came from
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Dr. David McRaney highlights that individuals often rationalize their deceptive behaviors as a means of self-protection or to avoid conflict.
Understanding these underlying motivations can help partners navigate feelings of betrayal and work towards rebuilding trust.
OP wants to know if she’s the a**hole for keeping her actual income a secret
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We gathered some reactions from the Reddit community:
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Impacts of Secrecy on Relationships
Secrecy can create a substantial emotional divide between partners. Research in relationship science indicates that transparency is crucial for building trust and intimacy.
Studies show that when one partner feels the need to hide information, it often leads to feelings of resentment and disconnection.
“YTA for lying and hiding money. If you’re getting married, you need to have open communication about how you manage money.”
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“YTA, but I’m wondering why you feel you need to hide this from him and have started a string of lies to conceal the overtime income.”
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To address issues of secrecy, experts recommend fostering an environment of openness and vulnerability. Engaging in regular discussions about financial goals and concerns can help partners feel more connected.
Creating a shared financial plan can also reduce anxiety and promote accountability.
“YTA! If you are already lying about money, do not get married!”
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“YTA. Finances are one of the biggest reasons for conflict in a marriage.”
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OP was served a cold, hard YTA verdict for her sneaky ways. Squirreling away money and lying about it was a terrible way to kick off a marriage.
Many wondered why she was scared to reveal her actual income. As a couple preparing to say “I do,” this was definitely not a great foundation to build on.
Honesty and transparency are non-negotiable ingredients for a successful marriage. And from the look of things, this relationship was heading in the opposite direction.
What do you think about this story? Let us know in the comments.
“YTA, you’re getting married soon and you’re overthinking this.”
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“You’ve left out why you feel the need to hide the extra money.”
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Communicating Financial Expectations
Clear communication regarding financial expectations is essential in any relationship. Research shows that couples who discuss their financial values and priorities tend to experience greater relationship satisfaction.
Using tools like budget discussions or financial counseling can facilitate these conversations and create a framework for mutual understanding.
Psychological Analysis
This situation highlights the complexities of financial honesty in relationships and the emotional ramifications of secrecy.
When one partner withholds information, it can create feelings of betrayal, often leading to deeper issues of trust and connection.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
In summary, navigating financial honesty is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
Understanding the psychological factors that contribute to secrecy can help partners address underlying issues and work towards greater transparency.
By fostering open communication and shared financial goals, couples can strengthen their emotional connection and reduce conflicts.
