Is It Wrong to Date Friends Crush & Ghost Them When Found Out?

A 28-year-old guy thought he struck romantic gold with his friend’s ex-girlfriend, and then everything blew up in the worst possible way. He and the 29-year-old woman hit it off, things got serious fast, and it should have been a happy update. Instead, it turned into a loyalty panic.

The complication is painfully specific: the ex broke up with the friend about a year ago, they all stayed friends, and then OP decided to ask her out anyway. When the friend found out, they were visibly upset and felt betrayed, even though the breakup was already done. Then OP got overwhelmed by the tension and, in a moment of impulse and guilt, ghosted both the friend and the ex with zero explanation.

Now he’s stuck wondering if dating her was bad, or if the real crime was disappearing.

Original Post

So I'm (28M), and recently I started developing feelings for my friend's ex-girlfriend (29F). They broke up about a year ago, and we've all remained friends since.

Well, after some time, I decided to ask her out, and things surprisingly went well. We hit it off, and things started to get serious.

The problem arose when my friend found out about us. They were visibly upset and felt betrayed that I would date their ex, even though they're the one who broke up.

Things got tense between us, and I could sense the animosity building up. As time passed, I started feeling overwhelmed by the situation and the guilt of potentially hurting my friend.

So, I made the impulsive decision to ghost both my friend and their ex without any explanation. I just disappeared from their lives completely.

Now, looking back, I'm questioning my actions. Was ghosting them the right move?

Should I have handled the situation differently? So WIBTA for dating my friend's crush and then ghosting them when they found out?

I genuinely need clarity here.

This Reddit saga highlights the intense emotional minefield that comes with dating a friend's ex. The original poster's decision to pursue a relationship with their friend's former girlfriend certainly raises eyebrows, especially given the friend’s sense of betrayal. It's not just about the romantic interest; it's about the loyalty and trust that friendships are built on.

When the friend finds out and feels ghosted, it turns into a dramatic fallout that many can relate to. The OP’s actions suggest a disconnect between romantic desire and the social obligations they have to their friend. The community's responses reflect this tension, with some siding with the OP for pursuing happiness and others condemning the disregard for a friend's feelings.

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The moment the friend found out about OP dating their ex, the vibe shifted from “we’re all fine” to “someone’s getting hurt.”

After things got tense between OP and their friend, OP felt the guilt stacking up and chose the nuclear option, ghosting them both.

That same trust-and-betrayal spiral shows up in the man debating whether to confront his friend for lying about dating his ex.

The Grey Area of Ghosting

Ghosting is a complicated issue, especially when it involves friends. In this case, the OP’s choice to ghost their friend after revealing their feelings for the ex only adds layers to the conflict. While some may argue that the OP has the right to pursue their desires, the feelings of betrayal from the friend highlight the emotional stakes involved.

The Reddit community's split opinions show how varied perspectives can be on such personal dilemmas. Some readers might see the OP as selfish, while others might empathize with their struggle to navigate complex relationships. This contradiction speaks to a broader theme: can true happiness ever come at the cost of a friend’s trust?

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The real mess is that OP didn’t just stop the relationship, he vanished, leaving the friend and the ex with unanswered questions.

Now OP is back for Reddit judgment, trying to figure out whether the breakup politics were already messy enough without the disappearance.

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

What It Comes Down To

This situation perfectly encapsulates the messy intersection of friendships and romantic feelings. It forces us to question how far we should go for love and whether it's worth risking valued friendships. Can the OP truly find happiness with the ex, or is it a fleeting distraction that ultimately harms both relationships? Readers, where do you stand in this debate? Would you prioritize a romantic interest over a friendship?

In this situation, the original poster's desire to date their friend's ex-girlfriend reveals a classic struggle between romantic interests and loyalty. While the ex had been single for a year, the friend's feelings of betrayal highlight the complexities of navigating such relationships. Ghosting both the friend and the ex suggests an overwhelming sense of guilt, but it also underscores a disconnect between personal happiness and the emotional consequences of their actions. This dilemma raises important questions about how far one should go for love and the potential cost to valued friendships.

He didn’t just cross the friend-ex line, he also left them hanging in the dark.

Before you tell your friend’s ex-crush, read how one guy was judged for bad dating advice.